Dolly's Dollies

Jan 13, 2017
Originally published on March 6, 2017 12:05 pm

If you hear, "her life is plastic and it's fantastic!" and immediately think "Barbie," you'll love this game. We took the Dolly Parton song "9-to-5" and rewrote it to be about careers that have been held by an official Barbie doll.

Heard on Cat Cora: Her Kitchen Rules

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OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Our next two contestants will face off in a music parody game played on Jonathan Coulton's hot pink Barbie dream guitar. So let's meet them. First up, Mitch Okun on buzzer number one.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

MITCH OKUN: Hello.

EISENBERG: You are a data engineer.

OKUN: Correct.

EISENBERG: Now, Mitch, you have been interested in statistics your whole life, and as a kid, you ran stats on your Little League Baseball team.

OKUN: (Laughter) Yes, this is true. I really enjoyed playing Little League, but I also wanted to learn my computer, so I would take the statistics home from the game and run out the numbers for batting average, slugging, things like that, and then post it on the wall the next day for the next game, everything like that.

EISENBERG: Yeah. So did it give your team an edge?

OKUN: Oh, they all loved it. You know, only in Little League will you see a batting average of 871.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: And so you were a bit of a hero. That...

OKUN: That's how I like to think of it, yes.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: You're good. Your opponent is Steven Ferrari on buzzer number two.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

STEVEN FERRARI: Hello.

EISENBERG: So you're wearing also a Superman baseball cap. Superman is clearly an inspiration to you. Can you tell us how Superman is an inspiration to your life?

FERRARI: I was adopted, and as a way to - it was never a secret. It was - there - my parents were very open about it. And as a way to make sure that I was OK with it and nobody had felt bad about it, my grandmother would sit me down with "Superman" comics and read them to me. And she'd point out, oh, you know, Clark Kent's adopted and he's a reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper.

UNIDENTIFIED PEOPLE: Aw.

FERRARI: And this is all well and good, except that it drove me to a life of buying comic books and working in newspapers, which is not exactly...

(LAUGHTER)

FERRARI: ...The best career right now.

EISENBERG: Well, as far as the newspaper's concerned, New York Daily News is all right?

FERRARI: They used the New York Daily News to film the - "Superman" the movie in 1978.

EISENBERG: Did you feel like your world came together in that moment?

FERRARI: Everything - the moment that I walked in, everything was just right.

EISENBERG: Aw, very good. That's kind of an amazing story. I got a little emotional. Remember, Mitch and Steven, the first of you who wins two of our games will move on to our final round at the end of the show. Your first game is a music parody called Dolly's Dollies. Mattel's Barbie doll has held many careers in her lifetime, and that is quite an achievement considering that her measurements are 39-18-33. That would render her unable to stand up.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: But she soldiered on.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Jonathan Coulton has prepared a musical parody in celebration.

JONATHAN COULTON: Yes, we took the Dolly Parton song "Nine To Five" and reworked it to be about careers that have been held by an official Barbie doll. Buzz in to identify the job, and the winner will be one step closer to moving on to the final round at the end of the show. Are you ready?

OKUN: Sure.

FERRARI: Yeah.

COULTON: Sure. OK. Here we go. (Singing) Working 9 to 5 with the barking and the braying, helping creatures thrive. Yes, I'm neutering and spaying. I might dress a wound, give a rabies vaccination. Yeah, I do a lot of stuff besides castration.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Mitch.

OKUN: Veterinarian.

COULTON: That's right.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: (Singing) Nine to 5, might be a plastic lady, but I do the same as Ted Mosby and Mike Brady. Got my blueprints here, going to build the dream house better and my hard hat matches with my sky blue sweater.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Mitch.

OKUN: Architect.

COULTON: Yeah, you got it.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: (Singing) Reading the report, and I say the words clearly, looking at the camera very sincerely, and every night I'm on at 6 o'clock.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Mitch.

OKUN: News anchor.

COULTON: Yeah, you got it.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: That is the only Barbie, by the way, with bangs.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: It's true because she's serious. She's serious. She's telling the news.

FERRARI: How many of those did you have growing up?

EISENBERG: Barbies?

FERRARI: No, news anchor Barbies.

COULTON: Banged Barbies.

(CROSSTALK)

EISENBERG: Well, you could make your own (laughter).

COULTON: Yeah, you can. You can try.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: I bet a lot of Barbies end up bald...

EISENBERG: (Laughter) That's true.

COULTON: ...Because of the - their home haircuts.

EISENBERG: Yep.

COULTON: (Singing) Wearing bright red and I'm riding my horse. I'm on the most polite police force, and I'm proud to be in the royal gendarmerie.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Mitch.

OKUN: Mounty.

COULTON: A Mountie - that's right.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: (Singing) Working 9 to 5 for the world's diversion seekers. In the office, I get to wear T-shirts and sneakers. Writing flawless code, my best friends are all computers, making RPGs and building first-person shooters.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Steven.

FERRARI: Game designer.

COULTON: Yeah, that's right.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: This is your last clue. (Singing) Working 9 to 5, it's a high-speed occupation in my pink Corvette that's got sweet acceleration. Though it's dangerous, I trade my lipstick and my lashes for the checkered flags and the fiery crashes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Steven.

FERRARI: Racecar driver.

COULTON: Yeah, you got it.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Puzzle guru Greg Pliska, how did our contestants do?

GREG PLISKA: Mitch, well done. You're one step closer to moving on to our Final Round.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.