BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT …DON’T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I’m height-weight proportionate Bill Kurtis.
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KURTIS: And here’s your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill.
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SAGAL: Thanks everybody.
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SAGAL: So 2014 is hard to sum up in a single word - terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad disastrous. You really need to go to the German to do it justice.
KURTIS: (Speaking German). Meaning, well, 2014.
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SAGAL: So this week, as 2014 goes to its deserved end, we review the first half of the year as covered on WAIT WAIT …DON’T TELL ME.
KURTIS: We begin with the top stories of the winter and spring, starting with a story of a very rude neighbor.
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CARL KASELL, BYLINE: Our main concern is the orgy that is happening.
SAGAL: That was Vladmir Putin trying to make the conflict where sound much more interesting than it probably is?
ASHLEY KEVITT: Crimea?
SAGAL: Yes, Crimea in the Ukraine, very good.
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SAGAL: Russian troops are flooding into Crimea, except Vladimir Putin, president of Russia, says they are not. He says they're just not there. Reporters are going up to Russian soldiers in the Crimea, and saying, Hello. So, where are you invading from, and they're saying...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA: Invading?
SAGAL: Yeah. And the soldiers are like, New Jersey.
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BIRBIGLIA: Student visa.
SAGAL: Yes.
ADAM FELBER: This always happens when people win so many medals at the Olympics.
SAGAL: They get cocky?
FELBER: They just get so carried away. They're like I'm great at skeleton.
BIRBIGLIA: I might as well head up the coast and invade Crimea.
FELBER: Yeah, yeah.
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SAGAL: Maybe he wants another medal in winter invading.
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KASELL: Our Western partners have crossed the line, playing the bear and acting irresponsibly.
SAGAL: That was a world leader who certainly has his fair share of experience dealing with bears. He was railing against the U.S. in a big speech to his parliament this week. Who was it?
DANNY DEAN: That would be that Vladimir Putin.
SAGAL: That Vladimir Putin guy, yeah.
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SAGAL: This week, Vladimir Putin of Russia annexed Crimea. He just took it. He ran out of tigers to tranquilize, was bored, looked around for something to do. Russia's justification? United Nations Charter Article 4, Section 2 - Finders, Keepers.
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SAGAL: And this is true. Ukraine is in such bad shape, both in terms of both political leadership and its finances that they actually announced a fundraiser for their army.
AMY DICKINSON: Like A Kickstarter?
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SAGAL: Not that bad. More like one of those red crossings - if you text to this number, you donate $5 to the army. It's like hello, can you support our army? It's the public radio approach to national defense.
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BRIAN BABYLON: So they don't have guns; they have mugs.
SAGAL: Exactly. It's like, you know, every now and then, you know, the Ukrainian defense minister makes a speech. It's like we know you enjoy the security and comfort you get from a functioning military.
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SAGAL: So won't you take some time to support it? Donate now, and we'll send you a wonderful souvenir mug you can throw at the invading forces.
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SAGAL: Or if you're driven from your homes, carry your possessions in this tote bag.
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SAGAL: You know, what's interesting is, of course, this is happening in the U.S., is pretty much - well, it's impotent. What are you going to do? Are you going to launch a war? Are you going to send in troops? You can't do that. The U.S. instead...
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah, we're the U.S. We never do that.
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SAGAL: Yeah I know. Well, we never do it against countries that can fight back.
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SAGAL: That's the rule.
GOLDTHWAIT: What we need to do, we need to get the Ukrainians to discover oil.
DICKINSON: Then we'll go in.
SAGAL: Then of course there'll be...
GOLDTHWAIT: Then we'll help.
BABYLON: But, you know, I saw Barack Obama did his press conference, and he was talking about blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I just realized like, man, I think like today he realized, man, this job sucks.
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BABYLON: I think today, today was the day. He was like oh, this job sucks.
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SAGAL: Back home, the Rocky Mountains were getting higher. Here’s guest panelist Cindy Chupak with a show we did in March.
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KASELL: It's No Toke - Colorado Pulls In Millions.
SAGAL: That was a headline about the amazing tax receipts Colorado is getting from the sale of what?
RENEE FORSYTH: Marijuana.
SAGAL: Yes indeed, very good, marijuana.
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SAGAL: Oh, you would know this being from Fort Collins, of course, right there. Colorado reported that in just the first month of legal, recreational marijuana sales, they took in $2 million of tax income.
CHARLIE PIERCE: No.
SAGAL: Yes.
PIERCE: It actually sells?
SAGAL: It does. Who knew?
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PIERCE: It must be the marketing campaign.
SAGAL: The problem with $2 million in tax revenue is the first thing you say when you get it is you know how much weed we can buy with $2 million in tax revenue?
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CINDY CHUPACK: Can I add - I'm - you know, I live in California, where there's the farmacy with an F right down the - there's so many of these. You know, it's all medical. It's the real deal. So my husband has a prescription, which he got from a gynecologist. I'm not kidding.
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SAGAL: Really?
CHUPACK: For real.
SAGAL: So he goes to the gynecologist. The gynecologist says get up on the table. He says oh my God, he says you're completely deformed, he says. You need marijuana, he says.
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CHUPACK: It's such a racket.
SAGAL: I have to ask. You need a disorder, right, to qualify. So what is his problem?
CHUPACK: His was sleeplessness.
SAGAL: Yes.
CHUPACK: And I said, you know, how does staying up all night watching action movies and eating Doritos cure your sleeplessness? But I think, you know, we'll get the results of his PAP smear, and then we'll see.
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PAULA POUNDSTONE: Cindy, isn't this your first time on the show?
CHUPACK: It is.
POUNDSTONE: And that's the kind of thing you're revealing about your husband?
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KURTIS: Don’t worry folks, one thing we learned this year is that you don’t have to lie to your doctor about your genitalia to get medical care.
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KURTIS: Not after last April. Even P.J. O’Rourke was excited.
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KASELL: There are still no death panels. Armageddon has not arrived.
SAGAL: That was President Obama celebrating the success, for the moment, of what?
KATHLEEN: (Caller) Obamacare?
SAGAL: Yes, indeed Obamacare.
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SAGAL: On Tuesday of this week, President Obama came out to the Rose Garden with a sick child, newly covered by the Affordable Care Act and spiked that kid into the ground.
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SAGAL: Go team. It's all right. He's covered. He'll be fine, he said. For a long time, it didn't look like the White House would reach its goal of 7 million people signing up for Obamacare by the end of March. But as we do, a lot of Americans waited until the last possible minute to sign up and, in truth, most of those people only did it because they thought they had a chance to win a billion dollars from Warren Buffett. P.J., as our token Republican...
O'ROURKE: Yes. I feel, like, some burden here, you know...
SAGAL: I know.
O'ROURKE: ...To, like, undermine the president in some way and make...
SAGAL: Can you? Is there any sense of, wow, what do you know, it worked - maybe it isn't such a disaster?
O'ROURKE: No. No.
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SAGAL: Just thought I'd check.
O'ROURKE: Let's just wait 'til April 15 when we get the bill for all this.
SAGAL: 'Cause you actually, of course, most famously said, if you think health care is expensive, wait 'til it's free.
O'ROURKE: Yes. Yes.
SAGAL: That's your...
O'ROURKE: If you think health care is expensive now, just wait to you see how much it costs when it's free. I did say that. But that was before I was on Medicare.
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O'ROURKE: Now I'm on Medicare.
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SAGAL: I just got to say...
O'ROURKE: And if you think that just 'cause I'm some kind of right-wing Republican I'm going to give that money back, think again.
SAGAL: And one of the biggest stories of the spring was a very, very rich man acting very, very stupidly.
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SAGAL: Your first quote is literally the only part of a secret recording released this week that we feel comfortable repeating.
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ROKEE RAHIM: Wow.
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SAGAL: Here we go. This is it.
KASELL: OK.
SAGAL: That's it.
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SAGAL: The rest of that recording just cost someone their job and $2.5 million this week. Who was it?
RAHIM: I do believe that's Donald Sterling.
SAGAL: Very good.
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SAGAL: Donald Sterling.
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SAGAL: Donald Sterling is of course - well, at least for now - the owner of the LA Clippers. He was taped by his girlfriend telling her that she couldn't bring black people to his basketball games. If he doesn't like black people, why did he buy a basketball team?
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SAGAL: If he only likes white people, fine, he should've bought a golf team.
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SAGAL: Or a public radio station.
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ALONZO BODDEN: Now I have a personal connection to the Clippers because I actually tell women I used to play for the Clippers.
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BODDEN: Because no one knows who played for the Clippers.
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BODDEN: Depending on who I'm talking to, I was a clipper anywhere from '86 to '89. Somewhere in there.
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BODDEN: Yet it was pretty - it's pretty amazing to come out and say I don't want black people at my basketball game. And to pick Magic Johnson - like, the one guy that no matter how racist you possibly are, you still give a pass to Magic Johnson.
SAGAL: Right.
BODDEN: You're still like, well, Magic, yeah, he's all right.
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SAGAL: The new NBA commissioner, Adam Silver, lowered the boom on Sterling - a lifetime ban and the maximum fine he's allowed to levy - $2.5 million.
POUNDSTONE: A ban meaning that he can't do what?
SAGAL: He can't go to the games - any games, any NBA games.
POUNDSTONE: How will they know? I mean, don't you just buy a ticket and go in?
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BODDEN: Hey, Paula. When you own the team and you say you hate black people, they're going to recognize you walking in.
SAGAL: Yeah.
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SAGAL: One of the unfortunate things about this for Donald Sterling, and we know we feel sorry for him, it happened right before he was going to get his second lifetime achievement award from the Los Angeles chapter of the NAACP.
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POUNDSTONE: They changed the words on the plaque.
SAGAL: Yeah. I'm sure.
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POUNDSTONE: Achievement in racism.
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FELBER: And for outstanding achievement in racism...
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SAGAL: He's a major donor.
POUNDSTONE: How does - I don't.
SAGAL: Well, for one thing, Sterling loves the NAACP. They're the only other ones who still say colored people.
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BODDEN: That was a good one as far as I'm concerned. Somehow, Peter, I think I'm going to be the arbiter of every joke you do in this bit.
SAGAL: I think so.
(LAUGHTER) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.