Limericks

May 26, 2018
Originally published on June 11, 2018 1:15 pm
Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

HELEN HONG, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on the air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT, that's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show at Tanglewood in Lenox, Mass. on June 21.

Hi. You're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

JILL PADEN: Hi. I'm Jill Paden, and I'm from Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

HONG: Hi. How's things in Fort Lauderdale?

PADEN: Pretty wonderful, I have to say.

HONG: And what do you do down there in Fort Lauderdale?

PADEN: I'm an overeducated stay-at-home mom of two wonderful boys who will love the poop train story, by the way.

HONG: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

PADEN: Cannot wait for them to hear that.

HONG: What is it about boys and poop?

PADEN: I don't know, but there's a lot of it going on in my house, so (laughter)...

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Jill, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you're a winner. Here is...

PADEN: Wonderful.

HONG: Woo. I'm excited, too.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Don't get ahead of yourself, Jill.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: As Hamlet's soliloquy makes clear, with clown nose, skull, sad face, he breaks fear. Get out your phones, class, because emojis kick peach. I use them to teach you kids...

PADEN: Shakespeare.

HONG: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Who would get that?

(APPLAUSE)

HONG: I mean, that was a hard one. Teachers have finally figured out how to teach Shakespeare to bored teens - translating it into emoji. Forget about, what light through yonder window breaks - now it's light bulb, window, girl face, peach, #Juliet.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: #I love reading. While some educators say that the rise of emoji-based learning is damaging to both students and teachers, we say frown face. Quit being such losers. Eye roll. Why bother reading all of "Oedipus" when you could save a ton of time reading an eggplant, a mom emoji and then 1,000 puke faces?

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: You know, that's just so terrible. I mean, screens don't belong in the classroom to begin with. And the idea that everything you teach has to somehow be cutesy to entertain the children. You know, and then we wonder why they - you have to get the court system to get them out of your house when they're 30.

(CHEERING)

HONG: #Eye roll.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Here's your next limerick, Jill.

KURTIS: There is nothing to say that it's not frog or woodchips shaved off of a squat log. I'm afraid to find out what is under sauerkraut and what things all go into a...

PADEN: Hot dog.

HONG: Yes.

KURTIS: Hot dog.

(APPLAUSE)

HONG: Hot dog. A survey found 43 percent of Americans are very sensible and don't want to know what's in hot dogs. And the other 57 percent are in hot dogs.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Mystery meat solved. Americans eat 20 billion hot dogs a year. But, to be fair, most of those were by Mitt Romney.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Even so, that is a lot of people willing to eat what is essentially a blind date with a meat tube.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Enough about me - what about you? Well, I'm mostly rat hair.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: You guys eat hot dogs? I've stopped.

ADAM FELBER: I will now.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: All right, Jill. Here's your last limerick.

KURTIS: For cleaning to reach its full power, I need oils that come from a flower. They release in warm water. I'll make the source hotter. I am taking my plants in the...

PADEN: Shower?

HONG: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Shower. You've been practicing.

(APPLAUSE)

HONG: Yes. Excellent, Jill. If you're wondering what people are doing in their showers these days, you've come to the right place, Mike Pence.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: People are showering with their plants, but not in a gross romantic way - in a gross, humidifying way. The idea is you load your shower up with eucalyptus branches, turn the water on and suddenly, your bathroom is filled with a fresh, healthy scent, a bunch of wet leaves and a confused koala bear.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Bill, how did Jill do?

KURTIS: You know, Jill was really good. She got them all right.

HONG: Yes.

KURTIS: Three and oh.

(APPLAUSE)

HONG: Jill, great job. Thank you so much for playing our game.

PADEN: Thank you very much for having me.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.