Limericks

Jun 9, 2018
Originally published on June 9, 2018 12:48 pm
Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show at Tanglewood in Lenox, Mass., on June 21. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

DANIEL HOLLINGS: This is Daniel in Merriam, Kan.

SAGAL: I'm sorry - Merriam, Kan.?

HOLLINGS: Merriam - yup.

SAGAL: And where is that exactly?

HOLLINGS: Oh, it's, like, six miles west of downtown Kansas City.

SAGAL: Oh, OK.

HOLLINGS: I'm just now getting settled in, though. I've only been here for 10 days or so.

SAGAL: Really? So you're all new?

HOLLINGS: Yep. I just graduated from the University of Kansas in Lawrence.

SAGAL: Oh, wow. So you're like - you're just starting out, man.

HOLLINGS: Yep. I'm a brand-new adult.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Have you figured out how much it sucks yet?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Daniel, I'm sorry for that horrible transition you've gone through. But welcome to the show anyway. Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner - ready to play?

HOLLINGS: Yes.

SAGAL: All right. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: The choice my kid openly mocks is woven right into my Crocs. My kid thinks it rankles. I've covered my ankles. My sandals come with built-in...

HOLLINGS: ...Socks.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Yes, sir.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So if you're the maker of CROCs, the famously ugly, plastic slip-on shoes, you probably ask yourself, without Mario Batali around to do it, how can I make the reputation of my product even worse?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The answer ultimately was obvious - just add built-in socks. A fashion label is making white Crocs with white tube socks sewn right in - Crocs with socks.

(LAUGHTER)

LUKE BURBANK: I would not wear those on a train.

(LAUGHTER)

BIM ADEWUNMI: I would not wear them on a plane.

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: They're eyeing my green drink quite gawkily. It tastes neither flowery nor stock-ily. I've got powdered greens mixed into ground beans. My coffee is brewed with some...

HOLLINGS: ...Broccoli

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Australian - back in Australia...

KURTIS: Good for you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Australians do not eat enough greens apparently. So now they're putting broccoli in their coffee, a rhyme that's a fun to say is Crocs with socks.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The idea came from health company Hort Innovations. Hort comes from the sound people make in the back of their throat when you tell them.

(LAUGHTER)

PETER GROSZ: And by the way, from other parts of their body after their broccoli coffee.

SAGAL: You say, oh, wow. You know you just drank a big steaming cup of broccoli? And they go, hort.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Like, this sounds like a plan that like an evil adult would have in a kids movie...

SAGAL: Right.

GROSZ: ...Where there's, like, somebody like, I'm going to make everyone drink broccoli.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: The kids have to, like, go out and stop him - yeah.

BURBANK: Played by Paul Giamatti.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: As my hands-free umbrella is flown, in rain storms I'm dry as a bone. I hold bags, unlock doors. It's still there as before. At last, there's good use for a...

HOLLINGS: ...Phone.

SAGAL: Not quite.

HOLLINGS: You're going to have to help me out.

SAGAL: I think you've already won, so I'll give it to you. It is drone - drone. From Japan comes the new umbrella drone. It's hands-free, and it floats above your head during rainstorms, right? And it uses cameras and AI to make sure it just stays right above you so you can stay dry at all times. It's still in development. You can't buy it. Don't rush out yet. The current model weighs 11 pounds and has a battery life of 20 minutes.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: After which...

SAGAL: Which means in 21 minutes - you have to time it correctly so that you arrive at the hospital still dry to get treated...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...For the blunt trauma to your head...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...When your umbrella suddenly falls out of the sky. Bill, how did Daniel do on our quiz?

KURTIS: He got two out of three. That makes him a winner.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations. You won.

HOLLINGS: Thanks for having me.

SAGAL: Bye-bye. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.