Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
11:24 am
Sat August 24, 2013

Panel Round One

Originally published on Mon August 26, 2013 10:51 am

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

We want to remind everyone to join us here most weeks at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago. And if you've ever wanted to see our show live while wearing sunscreen and bug repellent, lawn seats for next week's show at Tanglewood in Western Massachusetts are still available.

ADAM FELBER: Oh, that's going to be...

SAGAL: For tickets and more information go to tanglewood.org, and you can find a link at our website, waitwait.npr.org. Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Adam, some bad news for the Nabisco. A study has discovered that double-stuffed Oreos don't actually contain what?

FELBER: I would imagine that would be double the stuff.

SAGAL: You're exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In what is easily the biggest cookie-related scandal since Nixon hired four vanilla wafers to break into the Watergate Hotel...

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Than when we discovered those Keebler elves sexting, that was a bad one.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oh, it was terrible.

FELBER: That was a bad one.

SAGAL: Anyway, a high school class has discovered that Double Stuff Oreos only contain, on average, 1.8 times the stuff. Good news, though - oh, people are like wait a minute.

(LAUGHTER)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: This is upsetting.

SAGAL: But there's good news, there's good news. You're only 1.8 times as fat as you thought you were.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We - this is the latest in, like, junk food scandals. We found out recently that foot-long sandwiches at Subway, only 11 inches long. Cap'n Crunch, we reported on this, not Cap'n.

POUNDSTONE: Yup, yup.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: He's not?

SAGAL: He's not. He doesn't have the insignia. He's like a lieutenant. The Keebler elves, the Keebler elves, actually small children forced to work 18 hours a days making cookies while wearing adorable caps.

POUNDSTONE: In a tree trunk.

FELBER: Which makes the sexting even more disturbing.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I know.

POUNDSTONE: Chips Ahoy never actually been to sea.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Twinkie the Kid, 90 years old.

POUNDSTONE: Fig Newton, no relation to Isaac.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I can't go on.

POUNDSTONE: These things are upsetting, no question.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

SAGAL: Coming up, our panelists get stuffed in their lockers. It's a back-to-school bluff the listener. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.