Panel Round Two

May 4, 2013
Originally published on May 4, 2013 11:56 am
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Here we go. Here we go. Right now, panel, some more questions for you about the week's news. Mo, as you know, special interest groups are always trying to get the ear of the president. Well, according to, they found a new way to target President Obama so he'll definitely hear their message. What are they doing?

MO ROCCA: They're making him fudge. They're making him something that he likes to eat.

SAGAL: Right.

ROCCA: They are - is that right?

SAGAL: No. I'm just wanting you to go on.


SAGAL: I want you to spin out the scenario.

ROCCA: They are - they're putting on costumes.



ROCCA: Can you give me a...

SAGAL: Yeah, I'll give you a hint. Like this is "Sports Center" and a policy initiative worth considering.

ROCCA: Oh, well, they're going ads...


ROCCA: ...on ESPN.

SAGAL: On ESPN, yes.


SAGAL: On ESPN is the answer.


SAGAL: President Obama often says he doesn't watch cable news. But, of course, he says he's a huge sports fan. He knows everything about every team and every sport. So if you really want to get his attention, you have to put an ad on something he's watching. That's why during Sunday night baseball, the girls in bikinis aren't holding beer, they're holding the 2013 EPA Reauthorization Act.


TOM BODETT: Tonight's "Sports Center" brought to you by Excel Pipeline.


SAGAL: You know, and this also explains why sometimes like the late - like 11:00 pm broadcasts of "Sports Center" you sometimes see Michelle Obama just looking into the camera going: Are you smoking? Where are you?


PAULA POUNDSTONE: I mean, it's a smart idea.

SAGAL: You really think so?

ROCCA: Yeah, it's a smart idea.

SAGAL: Wouldn't it be weird, though, if you're watching your favorite TV show, whatever it may be, and you see a commercial specifically directed at you?

BODETT: They are.

ROCCA: I always assumed that the Gotta-Go-To-Mo's ad was directed to me.

SAGAL: Really?


SAGAL: That must have been a warm feeling for you when you were a kid.

ROCCA: Yeah.


SAGAL: Paula, Paula, outdoor festival-goers in South Africa will be among the first people in the world to experience the thrill of beer delivered to them by what?

POUNDSTONE: Oh, a lizard.



SAGAL: That would be awesome.


SAGAL: Slow.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah. Oh no, not all lizards are slow.

SAGAL: That's true.


SAGAL: No, not lizard.

POUNDSTONE: No. It's going to be delivered by something.

SAGAL: I'll give you a hint. It's like tastes great, less explody.

POUNDSTONE: A missile.

SAGAL: Close.


SAGAL: What does the CIA and the U.S. Army use to deliver their missiles.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, drones?

SAGAL: A drone. An unmanned drone.


SAGAL: Beer by unmanned drone.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, how convenient.

SAGAL: Yes. Very good. Paula got it right.


SAGAL: Whether it's a predator drone or a beer drone, you're going to get bombed.


BODETT: So civilian use of military technology, this is the first thing they come up with?


POUNDSTONE: It's from high up.

SAGAL: Well, the way it'll work is you're at the Opycopy Festival...

POUNDSTONE: There's going to be spillage.

SAGAL: ...and you say...


SAGAL: want a beer, right? And instead of having to walk all the way over to the beer tent and get a beer, you apparently order the beer online, maybe using your phone. And the next thing you know, an unmanned drone flies over the festival, finds you and drops a beer on a little parachute to you.


ROCCA: Oh, that's cute.

SAGAL: Yeah.

ROCCA: I hope it's a twisty, they can twist it off.

SAGAL: Yeah, right. So you know, that guy, I needed an opener. The problem is when the drones get mixed up, right? Last week, the CIA accidentally dropped a frat party on al-Qaida.


SAGAL: But not to worry, those insurgents at Delta Tau Delta will never bother us again.


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