Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
6:20 pm
Fri March 7, 2014

Panel Round Two

Originally published on Sat March 8, 2014 12:03 pm

Transcript

CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR news quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. We're playing this week with Faith Salie, Mike Birbiglia, and Adam Felber. And here again is your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Carl. Thank you, everybody.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In just a minute, Carl sends his troops to occupy the Rhymian peninsula. It's the listener limerick challenge. That one was good, seriously.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's the Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Adam, proving that hipsters, the New York Times and western civilization itself are all pretty much done for, we read this week in the New York Times that what is the hot new hit trend?

ADAM FELBER: Bees. Beekeeping.

SAGAL: Oh, bees is old, man.

FELBER: Oh, yeah?

SAGAL: Beekeeping, artisanal honey-making, that's old. This is the new thing.

FELBER: I will opt for a hint.

SAGAL: Mr. Peanut was into these things before they were (unintelligible).

FELBER: Oh yes, I did read about this, monocles.

SAGAL: Monocles.

FELBER: They're wearing monocles.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: According to the Times, monocles are the hip new trend among the hip new trendy set. They actually do help with beekeeping.

FELBER: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: For evidence the Times offers a picture of a guy with a monocle.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The Times says that monocles are in because hipsters have run out of everything else to secretly mock us all with.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: We are truly in a golden age of hipsterism.

SAGAL: It's true.

MIKE BIRBIGLIA: I've lived in - live in Brooklyn, which is sort of hipsterville. And the other day - I'm not making this up - I saw a probably about 16-year-old kid in a Nazi soldier's uniform.

FELBER: Oh, man.

BIRBIGLIA: I'm not making this up. And I just didn't know what to do because I'm like, OK, it's not Halloween. I don't live in a part of Brooklyn that's that hip.

(LAUGHTER)

BIRBIGLIA: And what happens if there's a Nazi invasion a few days and they're like, Mike, did you have any signs?

(LAUGHTER)

BIRBIGLIA: And I'd be like, well, there was one.

(LAUGHTER)

BIRBIGLIA: I saw a teenager wearing a Nazi uniform and he seemed nice and, you know, they say, you know, call 3-1-1 if you see something say something, but I wouldn't know what to say.

(LAUGHTER)

BIRBIGLIA: But the monocle thing, is it - are they prescription monocles?

SAGAL: Apparently.

FAITH SALIE: Some are.

SAGAL: Some are, the people that are getting prescriptions. And apparently, some of them are used for reading. They're magnifying glasses.

FELBER: Are there any sun monocles yet?

SAGAL: No, no sun monocles.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Well, then this thing is not over.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Adam, other than the electric toothbrush, dental technology hasn't really grown by leaps and bounds, but that's all about to change with the introduction of a new toothbrush that does what?

FELBER: Texts your teeth.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It actually texts somebody but not your teeth.

FELBER: Your dentist.

SAGAL: It does. It texts your dentist.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

FELBER: Sure it does.

SAGAL: It spies on you for your dentist.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The toothbrush uses wireless signaling to track your brushing habits and then reports them to your dentist. It's like having the NSA in your own bathroom.

(LAUGHTER)

BIRBIGLIA: It's so easy to cheat it.

FELBER: How would you do that?

BIRBIGLIA: Just turn it on and go do something else.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, it uses GPS. It can track its own movements.

FELBER: Oh, really?

SAGAL: So you have to stand there and shake in the air.

BIRBIGLIA: Oh, wow.

FELBER: That's what I do anyway.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's weird, it's like, how did they figure out a way to make the guy who, like, routinely spends an hour with his hand in your mouth seem even more intrusive?

(LAUGHTER)

BIRBIGLIA: I don't like where technology's going.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I don't look forward to the day when you find out that your toothbrush has been ratting you out. Because you go to the dentist and you're expecting to meet the hygienist in the chair, and instead you walk in and the dentist is sitting there behind the desk next to the toothbrush.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: At least the toothbrush won't look you in the eye.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: It's a denturvention.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BIRBIGLIA: Yeah, you got to try.

SAGAL: Mike, we were shocked by a report that came out this week that says if climate change continues, we may see, tragically, the end of what?

(LAUGHTER)

BIRBIGLIA: This is my biggest fear...

SAGAL: Yeah.

BIRBIGLIA: ...which is that I don't know a lot of stuff.

(LAUGHTER)

BIRBIGLIA: Human beings.

SAGAL: That's possibly true, but that's not what the report that came out with this week.

SALIE: This is more dire.

SAGAL: This is actually more dire.

BIRBIGLIA: Water.

SAGAL: I think even more important to our lifestyle, my lifestyle than water.

BIRBIGLIA: Not mine but...

SAGAL: Yeah.

BIRBIGLIA: Cats.

(LAUGHTER)

BIRBIGLIA: I say we keep going in this direction. I feel like I might be getting worse at this point.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: You can ask for a hint.

FELBER: Yeah, we always ask for hints. Yeah, yeah.

SAGAL: Yes. Here's your hint. Tortilla chips are going to be pretty lonely in the warmer future.

BIRBIGLIA: Oh, right, it's cats.

(LAUGHTER)

BIRBIGLIA: Tortilla chips, which would mean it's salsa?

(LAUGHTER)

BIRBIGLIA: Or guacamole?

SAGAL: Guacamole, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

BIRBIGLIA: Are you serious?

SAGAL: I am serious as death, my friend.

BIRBIGLIA: Wow. The end of guacamole is the answer?

SAGAL: That's the answer.

BIRBIGLIA: Did Faith know that?

SALIE: Did you see how much guacamole I had backstage? There was some in the green room.

BIRBIGLIA: That was why?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The report I mentioned was the annual report of the Chipotle restaurant chain.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This is true. And they told investors that climate change may someday limit the availability of avocadoes, and thus guacamole. They say it's not imminent though. We still have adequate guacamole supplies, but you might want to start stockpiling it.

FELBER: It's going to start slowly, though. Don't you think? If at Chipotle you'll say, I'd like guacamole, they'll say, it's $47 extra. Is that OK?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah. There would be a black market in guacamole. There'll be guys hanging around behind the Chipotle, you know...

BIRBIGLIA: Guac, guac, I got guac, I got guac, I got guac. I guess salsa doesn't look like, you know, it's going to do that for you.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.