BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm kid-tested, mother-approved anchorman Bill Kurtis. And here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody.
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SAGAL: Got great show for you today. We are so excited about our guest today, the founding father of funk, George Clinton of Parliament, Funkadelic. Now, this is NPR so you're probably confused - a little scared right now. We understand. We want to ease you in to the music - to the experience of funk. So we're just going to start by having Bill read you, calmly, some of the lyrics.
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KURTIS: Oh, we want the funk. Give up the funk. Oh, we need the funk. We got to have funk.
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GEORGE CLINTON: The funk just died.
(LAUGHTER)
CLINTON: You have brought an end to the funk.
O'ROURKE: Alonzo's sitting over there going get the funk out of here.
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SAGAL: While you prepare yourself for the mothership to land, give us a call. Our number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1, 8, 8, 9, 2, 4, 8, 9, 2, 4. Let us welcome our first listener contestant to start us off. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT DON'T TELL ME.
TOMMY TOBIN: Hi, Peter. This is Tommy Tobin calling from Stanford, California.
SAGAL: Hey, Tommy Tobin. How are you?
TOBIN: I'm doing great. Sunny and warm.
SAGAL: I'm glad to hear. Oh yeah, Stanford is beautiful this time of year. What do you do there?
TOBIN: I actually - I go to Harvard Law School. I came here to escape the cold for the month.
SAGAL: Oh, that's good. So it's like an exchange program between snooty people?
TOBIN: Pretty much.
SAGAL: So I know the Harvard people think they're better than Stanford people, and I know from Stanford people that they think they're better from Harvard people. So since you're technically both, can you solve the dilemma?
TOBIN: No.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: OK.
SAGAL: Would you say - would you agree with me that Harvard and Stanford people would agree that they're better than anybody else?
TOBIN: That's probably true.
SAGAL: All right, we'll go that. Well, welcome to the show, Tommy. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, an author and humorist and columnist for the Daily Beast. It's Mr. P.J. O'Rourke.
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SAGAL: Next, a contributor to CBS "Sunday Morning." It's Faith Salie.
FAITH SALIE: Hi, Tommy.
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SAGAL: And finally, a comedian who's appearing at the Stress Factory in New Brunswick, New Jersey, February 12 to the 14 and always at alonzobodden.com, it is - wait for it - Alonzo Bodden.
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ALONZO BODDEN: Hey, Tommy. How are you?
TOBIN: Doing good.
SAGAL: So Tommy, as I'm sure you expected, you're going to start us off with Who's Bill This Time. Bill Kurtis is going to re-create for you three colorful quotations of the week's news. Your job, of course - explain or identify them. Do that 2 times out of 3, you'll win our once and future prize, the voice of Carl Kasell on your voicemail. Are you ready to do this?
TOBIN: I am.
SAGAL: Let's do it then. Now, your first quote is the president of the United States swaggering a bit.
KURTIS: I have no more campaigns to run. I won both of them.
SAGAL: That was a big applause line in what big speech this week?
TOBIN: The state of the union.
SAGAL: Indeed it was, of course. The state of the union - very good.
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SAGAL: It was obvious from the beginning of this year's state of the union, President Obama has given up trying to convince Congress to do anything. He's just going to enjoy himself. He's saying whatever he likes regardless of the consequences. He got so loose, Vice President Biden leaned forward and said, come on, man, that's my thing.
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SAGAL: That line, by the way, about winning both of them - that was an ad lib after the Republicans reacted to his announcement that he wasn't running again by clapping, and then Obama lowered the burn.
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BODDEN: That was classic Obama. He's that smooth. He hits them back all the time. He slapped them a few times during the speech...
SAGAL: He did.
BODDEN: ...But that was the only improv where he was like, I got it off the hip.
SAGAL: Yeah. That is why he's president because Hillary Clinton wouldn't have thought of that until 3 a.m., right?
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SAGAL: Well, I mean, it was crazy. He was facing a Republican Congress freshly restocked with people who hate him, and he just was like, whatever. He asked for a tax increase, new social programs, and he's like, what - he just started making wishes. I'm going to make sunlight into fuel, yeah. And I want a pony. And I want a bigger pony for my first pony to ride on.
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SAGAL: What's amazing is, like, this is Obama, and he's loose, and he's saying what he wants, and he's still got another two years to go. What is next year's state of the union going to be like? The last one he's going to show up, and he's going to be like, my fellow Americans, I totally forgot this was tonight.
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SAGAL: I'm going to be honest with you, the state of our union is a little drunk.
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BODDEN: I think he should just open it with yo, homies.
(LAUGHTER)
SALIE: And go back to smoking, right?
SAGAL: Yeah, absolutely. He'll smoke at the podium. He'll just reach back, pull a cig from Boehner's pocket and, like, light it up 'cause what has he got to lose?
SALIE: Nothing.
BODDEN: I think he should just walk in puffing a Cuban cigar.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: For your next quote, please listen to New England Patriots quarterback, Tom Brady.
KURTIS: To me, those balls were perfect.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Now, Mr. Brady wasn't bragging. He was denying accusations that his balls were what?
TOBIN: Underinflated.
SAGAL: Exactly right. Underinflated.
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SAGAL: Almost immediately after the Patriots shellacked the Indianapolis Colts in last week's playoff game, the Patriots were being investigated for under inflating their balls. The league became suspicious when a Patriots player scored a touchdown and instead of spiking the ball, he just folded it and put it in his pocket.
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BODDEN: I don't know what - there's no penalty. There's nothing you can do. You can't replay the game. You can't overinflate his balls next time around.
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SAGAL: No.
SALIE: I have learned so much this week about men and their balls.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Yes.
BODDEN: As a lifelong New York sports fan, you know, when you tell us that Tom Brady handles balls and they're underinflated, we just said, yeah.
SAGAL: Yeah.
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SAGAL: Here is your last quote.
KURTIS: Guys, we did it.
SAGAL: That was John Biggs of TechCrunch bragging about the finding that 2014 was the whattest year in recorded history?
TOBIN: Was it the hottest?
SAGAL: It was. Yes, it was the hottest year. Congratulations everybody. We did it.
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SAGAL: 2014 was the hottest year in recorded history. You hear all this talk about the greatest generation, right? Big deal, guys. They just liberated a continent. We saved an entire planet from getting a chill. You stormed the beaches at Normandy. We eliminated the beaches at Normandy. You should've waited for us. You could've just floated all the way to Paris, baby.
BODDEN: But isn't at the point with the Republicans - like, there's no way to argue. Like, it's not like there wasn't scientific proof up until now. There's been scientific proof the whole time, and the response has just been no.
SAGAL: Yeah.
O'ROURKE: No, no. We are buying up beachfront in Greenland, dude. I mean, of course that's what we say. Oh, it's not happening because you don't want to, like, wreck the market.
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SAGAL: Bill, how did Tommy do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Well, our Harvard man transferred for the winter to Stanford did perfect - 3 and 0.
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SAGAL: Congratulations, Tommy. Well done. Thanks so much for playing.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "TOO HOT")
KOOL AND THE GANG: It's too hot, too hot, too hot, lady. Got to run for shelter. Got to run for shade. It's too hot, too hot, too hot, lady. Got to cool this anger. What a mess we made. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.