BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Roxanne Roberts, Moshe Kasher and Brian Babylon. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
(APPLAUSE)
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you Bill. Right now it's time for the WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.
CHESNEY ROBISON: Hi, this is Chesney Robison from Idaho Falls.
SAGAL: Chesney? That's a great name.
ROBISON: Thank you. I had nothing to do with.
SAGAL: I appreciate it. You carry it well. What do you do there in Idaho Falls?
ROBISON: I run a potato plant here.
SAGAL: How unusual.
ROBISON: Yes. I'm living the Idaho dream.
SAGAL: You said you run a potato plant? Do you like potatoes or are you just sick of them? Are you the kid in the candy store except the candy is potatoes?
ROBISON: You know, I grew up on a cattle ranch in Wyoming on a meat and potatoes diet and I still love them. I still love them. As long as there's a side of beef.
SAGAL: I understand.
MOSHE KASHER: This is the most masculine human being I've ever encountered.
SAGAL: His name is Chesney.
KASHER: Chesney himself.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Well, Chesney, it's good to have you with us. You're going to play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction.
ROBISON: OK.
SAGAL: Bill, what is Chesney's topic?
KURTIS: Swish Baby.
SAGAL: It's March Madness. Everybody's doing their brackets, everybody's watching the games. But what about all that college basketball that's happening outside of the NCAA tournament? This week we read a heartwarming story about college ball that took place far away from the bright lights of the big tournament. Each of our panelists are going to tell you such a story. Your job - guess the real one. Do that, you'll win Carl Kasell's voice. You ready to do this?
ROBISON: Let's do it.
SAGAL: Let's first hear from Roxanne Roberts.
ROBERTS: Like many young men, one of the star players on Canada's Medicine Hat College basketball team wanted his name emblazed across his jersey. A simple enough request unless your name happens to be Guilherme Fuck. The problem for the Brazilian player is that the spelling of his surname starts with an F, ends with a K, is identical to another less genteel term. His ancestors are from Germany, where the word translates to Fox. Quote, "it's my name," Fuck told the CBC, "I'm proud of it."
Since he helped take his team to the Canadian Collegiate Athletic Association Championship, there's been a lot of questions. Quote, "I can't tell you how many times I have to confirm the spelling and pronunciation," coach Craig Price told the Washington Post. People think it's a typo. But no, it's plastered on his jersey, proving that his team does in fact give a Fuck.
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SAGAL: A player named Fuck gets, finally, the right to have his name on his jersey despite the fact that it spells a rather rude word. Your next story of a new basketball hero comes from Brian Babylon.
BRIAN BABYLON: Molly Adams always dreamed of taking her college basketball team to glory. The trouble is, she's 5'3" and not actually on the team. But that did not stop her from becoming the team's equipment manager. And this year, her beloved North Iowa State guinea hens made the NIT Tournament. Early in their first round game against North North Dakota weasels, one of the basketball buckets suddenly collapsed and Adams knew it was her time to shine. Before anyone offered another solution, she volunteered to stand in as the backboard, hold her arms out in a circle just like a basket.
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BABYLON: There were a few close calls. A North North Dakota player got to shoot a free throw after the human basket sneezed in his face after a dunk. And some people found Adams screaming no bank shots, no bank shots, distracting. In the end, North Iowa State guinea hens moved on to the next round. But even the players from North North Dakota were happy. Their star forward, Buckly Jones said quote, I've been playing basketball my whole life and this is the first time I've slam dunked and the rim gave me a high five."
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: An equipment manager becomes the star of her game by taking the place of the actual basket. Your last story of a college great that won't make ESPN's top 10 comes from Moshe Kasher.
KASHER: The Yakima Valley Community College basketball team, the yaks, have filed an official complaint to the Washington State College Athletics Ethics Board after their recent victory was declared invalid. After their only basketball popped during a recent exhibition game against their nearest rivals, the Southeastern Washington Technical College Timberwolves, a very traditional solution was offered. The Yakima teams coach, Ray Funk, brought a frozen salmon onto the court that he had on ice in a cooler in his trunk, and suggested the game play continue using the frozen fish as the ball. It's very similar to an ancient game played by the Northwestern tribes throughout history, where teams of warriors would show their speed and prowess by running frozen meats of various kinds - elk, deer and especially salmon - into a goal. I thought it was the best choice available given the circumstances and a chance for the Timberwolves to learn more about the Yakima tradition, said the coach. But some on the rival team did not agree. Sean Talper (ph), the power forward of the Timberwolves said, yeah, of course we lost. We have no experience playing with frozen meat. Have you ever tried dribbling a fish? It hardly bounces at all and I can still smell salmon on my fingers.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right, so here are your stories.
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SAGAL: One of these things really happened in college basketball recently. Was it, from Roxanne Roberts, how a player with a very rude last name, at least as it is pronounced in English, got that name pronounced foo-key finally printed on his jersey? That was in Canada. From Brian Babylon, how an equipment manager for the guinea hens finally got into the game as the hoop? Or from Moshe Kasher, how in Yakima, Wash. without a ball to play with, they tried to play the game with a frozen salmon. Which of these is the real story of news made away from the tournament in college basketball?
ROBISON: You know, it seems crazy that the most plausible story is the Brazilian playing at Medicine Hat College there in Canada.
SAGAL: That's right.
ROBISON: But I think we'll go with that one.
SAGAL: You're going to go with that one. That's Roxanne's story the Brazilian player with the last name Fuck.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: All right, well, to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone familiar with the true story.
DANIELLE NERMAN: Finally this guy's allowed to use his real last name which is Fuck. That's how it's produced. Foo-key.
SAGAL: Foo-key. Foo-key, not spelled that way but pronounced that way. Congratulations, you won. You earned a point for Roxanne, which she loves...
ROBISON: Beautiful. Thank you, thank you.
SAGAL: ...But even better - next time you're manning the potato mashers in your factory, Carl Kasell will be answering your phone for you. Congratulations.
ROBISON: Beautiful. Have a wonderful day guys.
SAGAL: Thank you so much. Thanks for playing.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BASKETBALL")
FUNDISHA: (Singing) They're playing basketball. We love that basketball. They're playing basketball. We love that basketball. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.