GLYNN WASHINGTON, HOST:
OK, so a love story. All right, I'm in Kyoto. I'm at this party, and there's this woman. She's tall for a Japanese lady - 5'10'' - 5'11'' - she's got everything working - the boots, the hair, flawless complexion, the smile. I have to say something to her. The Detroit in me would never forgive myself if I don't step up. So I roll up. (Speaking Japanese). Start talking to her, and she acts like she can't understand my Japanese.
I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not fronting like I'm this tremendous linguist or anything, but you could understand what I'm saying. She looks at me and smiles. (Speaking Japanese). Fair enough, she says, but I just don't understand why anyone would travel halfway around the world to use the same tired lines as everyone else.
Snap. (Speaking Japanese). All right, good point. But you just stand right there - I'm going to say something interesting now. Stand - and I don't know what I started blathering about, but she says, let's go for a walk. And in a very non-Japanese way, she asked me what's happening back at my house. I don't know. Let's go find out.
We get back to my crib and this is the part NPR told me to cut out of the story, right? Let's just say it was guns blazing - papow (ph). The next morning, I'm like no way. This is how it happens with me now? This woman's way out of my league but she's super nice, crazy intelligent, model pretty - what gives? I look over at her - she turns to me, puts her hand on my cheek and says (speaking Japanese). I have a boyfriend.
And I knew it had to be something. It wasn't like I had a boyfriend - it's like I have a boyfriend. Wow. Shoot. That's a shame. But it's been really great getting to know you. And he's in the Mafia, the Yakuza. Right, right, OK, but what's that got to do with - and I have to tell him about what just happened with you and me tonight. What? The the Yakuza - hey, hey, hey - this me and you think nobody has to know. I have to tell him, and he's going to want to talk to you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. (Speaking Japanese). Keep your crazy games to yourself. She starts getting dressed. Thanks for a wonderful evening - don't do it. She opens the front door. (Speaking Japanese). She hails a taxi, and she's gone. And it's not one hour later that my phone rings.
This primal scream - these threats. And the guy, he finally breathes and tells me that I can either come see him or he's going to come see me.
And I can't have the Mafia coming to my house. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. I tell him, I'm going to come see him 11 o'clock that night. Of course, he manages a nightclub. What else would a gangster do? Of course - want to meet him at the club and face my certain doom. And all day long, I sit there. No food, no drink - just me thinking how not to get killed.
He gave me two choices. I had to pick a choice - here or there - he can't come here so I got to go there, but when I go there, he could have his boys ready and I'm going to die. The clock is ticking away. And I decide - you know what? He says 11? So I flipped the script and knock on the door of the gangster club at 7 p.m.
Someone opens up. I see some minions sitting down at a card table - I'm about to ask for their leader, and this dude - he kind of strolls from behind a curtained-off doorway - tailored, dark suit, manicured hands, shirt collar open 'cause he doesn't wear ties. He's got two underlings on the left, two more on the right - cool brother. I look at him. He looks at me. And the cool explodes into another primal rage crazy screaming fit.
(Speaking Japanese). He runs towards me, and he's shouting and crying in front of his boys. I don't know what he's saying. And I'm trying to tell him how sorry I am. I didn't know. It's a crap situation, and he deserves better. (Speaking Japanese).
Why? Why? Did she tell you, why? And then he leans on my shoulder and sobs, big, racking shutters of grief, and I comfort him - even as he tells me he has to kill me.
No. See, killing me won't solve anything. She's setting you up and you deserve better. We have to at least give you a beating. But that's what she wants you to do. Isn't that what she's counting on? We - you and I - are not going to give her the show she's looking for - look at me. It ends today. All right? All right? (Speaking Japanese). And we bro hug it out.
And I'm on the way back down the stairs when I hear him say my home address into his phone and I almost [bleep] my [bleep] pants - before I realize he's not calling his boys on - he's calling them off.
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WASHINGTON: Now, Glynn, that's all well and good but why - why did you tell me this story? OK, well, let me assure you there are more people who have almost been killed by gangsters for love than there are prince charming stories. Believe me - but you'd never know. The man doesn't want you to know. He wants you to believe that your relationship history is the problem. It's not. So today, from PRX and NPR, we're calling this episode "No Perfect Love." My name is Glynn "The Truth Doctor" Washington. Set your online dating profile to back in a minute 'cause you're listening to SNAP JUDGMENT. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.