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Panel Round One

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

We want to remind everybody they can join us here most weeks at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Illinois. For tickets and more information, go to wbez.org. You could find a link at our website, that's waitwait.npr.org. There you can also find out about our big simulcast cinema event on May 2nd. WAIT WAIT live in a theater near you. Spoiler alert: we're even more attractive than you imagine.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Panel, it is of course time for you to answer some questions about the week's news. Faith, Abu Hamza al Mazri is a convicted terrorist. He's held in a New York prison. And when he went to that jail, authorities took away the hook he had been using for a hand since an injury many years ago. Well, his lawyers are now asking that that hook be replaced with what?

FAITH SALIE: I'm trying to think of anything that has to do with Peter Pan.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: An alligator with a ticking clock inside it. No.

SAGAL: No.

SALIE: I need a hint.

SAGAL: OK, well, they can't give him a spoon and a fork, so they want to give him?

SALIE: Oh, like a ladle.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: I'm going to open it up. I think Faith is just too classy to know about these.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Is it a spork?

SAGAL: It's a spork.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: Oh.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: They're going to give him a spork for a hand.

SALIE: Oh, that's so great.

SAGAL: Yes. The spork, of course, a combination of a spoon and a fork. It's perfect...

SALIE: It's like the El Camino of utensils.

SAGAL: It is.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's the perfect thing if you need to eat some soup and shiv a cellmate. You know, it's got both things.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He's got trouble eating without his hook, so they're thinking about screwing a spork onto his stump, which will make life easier for him, especially if he's moved to a maximum security Kentucky Fried Chicken.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: You know what, if - I mean, is there anything more American than a spork? If that doesn't turn this man pro-American...

SAGAL: Finally, he'll understand the beauty of our country.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It will also make him the least threatening pirate ever.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: 'Tis I, Captain Spork.

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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