CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT, WAIT...DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. We're playing this week with Paula Poundstone, Roy Blount, Jr., and Jessi Klein. And here again is your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Carl.
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SAGAL: In just a minute, Carl debuts the racy video for his hit single Limwrecking Ball in the listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Roy, according to the Wall Street Journal, new developments in science and medicine mean humans can finally have the perfect what?
ROY BLOUNT, JR.: I don't know. Is it something kind of dirty?
SAGAL: No.
JR.: No, well then...
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SAGAL: It's something that most people don't need scientific or medical help with, especially in the mid-afternoon after a large meal.
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JR.: The perfect nap.
SAGAL: Yes, indeed, the perfect nap.
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SAGAL: Science has finally brought us that. Naps, of course, are second only to girls on the list of things we hated in preschool but want desperately now. So the Wall Street Journal looked into this and they say that new research from several major research institutions say the ideal nap window begins at 1:00 p.m., the ideal nap length 90 minutes. A researcher at Penn also revealed the one key to the perfect nap, but unfortunately he did so in a 90-minute lecture starting at 1:00 p.m.
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SAGAL: Sleep specialists - you'll be pleased to hear this - advise finding idle time at work to nap when you don't have much to do, like during your lunch break or during the Bluff the Listener game.
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PAULA POUNDSTONE: I nap everywhere I go.
SAGAL: Really?
POUNDSTONE: Yeah, the hard part for me is unnapping.
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POUNDSTONE: You know, scientifically staying awake is hard for me.
SAGAL: I know.
JESSI KLEIN: I panic after I take a nap.
SAGAL: Really?
KLEIN: Yeah, like I don't - I have a very hard time napping but, like, sometimes I'll fall asleep and then I just wake up in like a sheer panic.
POUNDSTONE: Over what?
KLEIN: Just like, oh my god, I can't believe I was asleep.
JR.: Woo.
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KLEIN: And I'm also...
POUNDSTONE: So you're not really aware of all the functions your body can do.
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KLEIN: No, Paula. And I also...
POUNDSTONE: Every day is a world of wonder for you.
KLEIN: Every day is a winding road. And I also wake up from a nap like the panic leads to, like, insane hunger.
JR.: Woo.
KLEIN: I'll eat a lot very quickly after a nap. Anyone else? No? OK.
POUNDSTONE: I'm not a professional, but each of these things is perfectly normal.
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POUNDSTONE: Sleeping, eating...
KLEIN: OK. Yeah.
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POUNDSTONE: ...that's - panicking, panic eating.
KLEIN: OK.
SAGAL: It's a cycle of life.
POUNDSTONE: Do you find that you walk and digest as well?
KLEIN: Yes, yes.
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POUNDSTONE: OK. Those are all things - and I think this is good for you to be with a group and share because...
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POUNDSTONE: ...this is how we discover that we have much more in common than we have differences, you know. We've all - and I think everyone will admit it - we've been eating and sleeping.
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KLEIN: Paula, I feel so much better.
POUNDSTONE: Yeah, you're one of us.
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POUNDSTONE: And if you have methane gas as well, you are in like flint healthy.
KLEIN: Guilty.
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SAGAL: Jessi, it's pumpkin spice latte season at Starbucks, otherwise known as White People Month.
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SAGAL: Not everybody is happy. What group is protesting the pumpkin spice latte?
KLEIN: Someone's protesting the pumpkin spice latte?
SAGAL: Yes.
KLEIN: Where are they?
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KLEIN: Bring them to me. Someone - a group...
SAGAL: Yes.
KLEIN: ...not one person.
SAGAL: Well, one person represents a group.
KLEIN: Like such specifically the Starbuck's pumpkin spice latte?
SAGAL: Yes.
KLEIN: Someone from Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf?
SAGAL: No.
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SAGAL: (Unintelligible) it's not a competitor. I'll give you a hint, they're also against the beefachino and the vanilla chicken broth espresso.
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KLEIN: Like my mom?
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JR.: Jack-o-lanterns.
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SAGAL: How about vegans?
POUNDSTONE: Why are they upset about it?
SAGAL: The vegans are upset - well, vegans, as you know, they don't have eggs, meat, dairy or sense of humor.
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SAGAL: And they're upset because all over the country vegans just went, that's not funny.
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SAGAL: So most Starbucks can be made vegan, right, soy milk or whatever but the pumpkin spice latte cannot be made vegan because it turns out pumpkins are not plants. They're very large, very lazy orange mice.
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POUNDSTONE: We knew that.
KLEIN: Oh, this is a drag of a story.
POUNDSTONE: Yeah.
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POUNDSTONE: Certainly creating a situation in my life.
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SAGAL: Why is it a drag of a story, Jessi?
KLEIN: Oh, I mean, I don't even know where to begin. Go do a math problem or something.
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KLEIN: I don't know. Like, go try to help out. You know who farts the most, vegans.
(LAUGHTER)
KLEIN: Science.
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